Saturday, June 4, 2011

School's Out For Summer

To see a world in a grain of sand,
And a heaven in a wild flower,
Hold infinity in the palm of your hand,
And eternity in an hour.

I think that is going to be my next (and last) tattoo. I have one on my left should blade and one on the nape of my neck...looking in the mirror, one on my right shoulder blade will look complete. Feel complete. Next thought...

Thank god University is out for the summer! I am SO worn out mentally because of that, plus other life things like finding a place to live over the summer, missing my family, bills, second year loans, arguing with little details still tied up in my past. Hoping I did well enough yet needing to keep moving and not look back because I'm the only one making all of this work. I am so fortunate to have found a full time job for my summer break at a wonderful place with a good vibe. I'm staying in a foreign country all by myself - I need a place to make money and work hard but I also need a stress free environment. I've come too far and worked too hard to be somewhere I'm not happy. So I am thankful I've found someplace I feel accepted and encouraged to succeed.

I may get a chance to write more now that I'm not trying to absorb the parameters of consonants, the phonetic symbols of all the languages in the world, whether or not an affix is inflectional or derivational, how children acquire languages, the VOT release of a velarised voiced alveolar lateral approximate (l) or what Grice's Maxims happen to be. I can just - focus on work or a new relationship or ... me. I've not had an opportunity like this or felt freedom like this in a very long time. And I'm truly very happy. My parents are proud of me, my sister wants to follow my footsteps...I'm blazing my own path and while at some points it got dark or lonely or I was afraid...I kept on going and it's been rewarding.

Some free writing poetry and then I'm off to surf the net:

The noise of the evening floats on the air
As she lies down on her bed, her yellow cotton dress
Spread around her like small rays of sunshine spilling from her breast.
Whirs of traffic, the click of the clock, the laughs from upstairs,
The beating of her heart - All sounds that gently reach her ears
And make her smile, taking in a gentle breath and quietly releasing a sigh.

She's done it, a whole year. Thinking back on her path it seems like the
Life of another, not her own. And yet it is her life, her story, her memories.
Some of it so hard, so lonely. Other parts full of joy, awe, love and magic.
This mystery of her life still elusive and mysterious. Her heart on a journey all
It's own with no guide or guarantee that by opening it again she won't get hurt.
The scars of past lovers still ache on cold mornings, the threads of her spirit
Woven together by the hard work of family, friends and her determined nature.

Unsure of what her future holds or how to live her life, she stares up at the sky
And waits for a sign. As a star shoots by, she smiles and the wind gently taps
Against the window. Life is but a melody, a dance, a story. And with hope and a Little bit of kindness...maybe she's finally done it.

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